Claire G's Husband Passed Away

Christine sent me a note letting me know that Claire's husband had a massive heart attack two weeks ago and died last week. You knew Claire and we have a lot in common since I can still feel the anguish of your passing. In her pain, she wrote me to let me know. I sent her this reply:

My dear friend Claire,

I have been beside myself since I heard about your husband’s passing. I remember how hard it was for me to face people after Frank died.

Allow yourself to grieve. I was totally unprepared for the pain of grieving even though I knew that Frank would not survive his cancer. I awoke every morning crying and went to bed each night with tears. It didn’t begin to subside until Frank had been gone a year. Allow yourself that time.

If you want to be alone, don’t hesitate to kick everyone out of your house. My family lingered on long past their expiration date. Some grieving must be done in the quiet solitude of the evening stillness. I could feel Frank’s presence with me for a long time. The quiet allowed me time to feel him near. If on the other hand, you prefer to have everyone with you, don’t hesitate to ask people to stay with you until you feel better about being alone.

Don’t go back to work too soon. I am a workaholic and tried to come back after two weeks. I kept bursting into tears on campus. Gage your emotions. People, well-meaning people, will constantly come up and ask how you are doing. Each time they do will bring fresh tears. I remember meeting Sarah Napier at a conference the October after Frank’s death and she innocently asked how he was doing. I had to leave the conference until I composed myself and it made Sarah feel horrible, which was not my intent. I hadn’t completed the grieving process yet.

This will be the most difficult pain you will ever feel. Separation after being together for so long will feel like it will break you, but it won’t. You are strong, caring, flexible, and loved. Focus on being loved and that you have loved in return.

Always your dear friend,

Ginny

Memorial Day with Joby

Hi Sweets,

Memorial Day this year had Greg and Dad traveling to New Orleans so Pop could see the brick he and Mom purchased to help fund the World War II museum in New Orleans. Because Dad is getting weaker and may soon be unable to travel, they decided on the spur of the moment to go. They wanted me to go with them, but I had so much that needed to be done at the house that I felt my heart wouldn't be in it if I went. My head would still be at the house worrying about all the stuff that needed to be done at the house.

Greg let me know when they got to New Orleans and into their hotel room, but Greg wanted to go to Mississippi and Alabama as he'd never been to either state before. It was one of the things on his bucket list. Greg states that Dad ate his way across three states, so I guess Pop is still going strong. Right now, he is sleeping in his seat right next to me watching (through his eyelids) the New York Yankees steamroll over the Toronto Blue Jays. Here are some of the pictures Greg sent me on Pop at the Museum when they found Pop's brick.

Pop standing in front of his brick.

A picture of Pop's Brick showing his rank, branch of service, Company, Division, and Regiment. 

It also shows where Pop entered the war, at Okinawa.

Greg said he got a lot of attention for being a veteran and a Purple Heart at that! Pop and Greg had a great time together.

While Dad and Greg were enjoying the trip, Joel and I were working our buns off cleaning out a part of the back yard that had become overgrown with neglect. Last week, I asked Greg and Joel to help me clear out a huge bush that had invaded where the oak tree had been before it died (the drought from a few years ago). 

They left the Chinese Tallow Tree that grew out of the middle of the spot where the oak tree had been. Greg used a bow saw to cut out the main branches, except he left the stubs closest to the roots and I had to deal with those. As you can see, it still didn't look very good.

Joel and I decided we had to do something to make the spot a little more structured and part of a modern back yard. So, we purchased 18 edging bricks and I laid them out. I was worried about covering up one of the sprinkler heads so we couldn't finish until we located them. We were singularly unsuccessful. Eventually, we had to set the sprinkler system and then sit in chairs in the back yard and wait until it went on during it's proper routine. 

In the mean time, I sent Joel into the front yard to retrieve the five, not six American flags I'd placed in the front planter. You could hear him squeal like a little girl when the water came on and hit him. His pants and shoes were wet when he brought the retrieved flags back. 

Then, it was my turn to place the flags in the planter before the water came on, but I didn't make it and it was my turn to squeal like a little girl. Joel and I enjoyed teasing each other about our water escapade. 

Planter with the edging bricks and cardboard on the bottom. As you can see, Greg and Joel quit before the stubs on the left were removed. I forgave them.

Planter with 5 bags of top soil added. Still see the stubs on the left.

Joel after conquering in the bush stubs with the help of his trusty reciprocating saw. (Yea, I bought it.)

Right before this picture was taken, Joel pulled a muscle in his back and I sent him into the house to recuperate while I took over. In the end, I cut off most of what you see above the top soil. Eventually, I added another three bags of top soil hoping to cover the stubs. I planted marigolds around the edges, tomato plants, yellow crook-necked squash, and green bell peppers. Later I added one bush cucumber and mulched the entire planter. 

I also placed six small American Flags along the periphery and planted a larger one under the tree. I have named it Memorial Day Park in honor of Pop and Greg and their service to their country.

May your flag fly for ever.